Compromise, anyone?

I just spent a few days
in one of the most unique places in the world, which is also one of the few places
where I would move in a heartbeat. Every time I am in New York City – and this
time was no exception – it strikes me how much I would enjoy living there. I consider
myself to be the ultimate city person and New York is the ultimate city. It is
alive; it has “beat;” it has character and style. It offers a vast choice in
terms of culture, food, fun things to do. It is delightfully diverse and
international. It also has several disadvantages such as the traffic, which is
horrible most of the times; the smelly subway; the taxis, which are practically
non-existent certain times of day; not to mention the New Yorkers, who are
quite rude quite often (though, for a European, that does not mean much J). No city is perfect, but I believe that there are
cities that “fit” us better than others. New York fits me perfectly. Living
there would be energizing and fun.

So, to reiterate the
question I asked myself as soon as I set foot there last week, why on earth am
I moving to Zurich and not there?

If I am honest with
myself, I will admit that moving to New York would not be a viable option any
time soon, for two reasons, both of them related to family. The fist one is
that raising three kids in Manhattan – my preferred destination – is bound to
be a challenging project. The city is very busy and the infrastructure does not
seem to be very child friendly (how do you get down to the subway with a stroller when
there are no elevators?). Housing is not generous and it is expensive. Even
more important, schooling is an issue: getting a spot in a decent school
requires either great connections and an intense and lengthy lobbying process
(for public schools); or all that plus obscene amounts of money (for private
ones). For these and many other reasons, a lot of families tend to live outside
Manhattan, but that would be a whole different (and for me, rather
uninteresting) experience.

My second reason is that
living across the Atlantic means that I will be very far from my home country
and my extended family. I will miss both a lot. I will not be able to visit
regularly. If I want my children to have any kind of meaningful relationship with
my family and to know and embrace my native culture, living thousands of miles
away will make that extremely difficult.

When we have a
family, particularly when children are involved, our life and priorities often change dramatically.
Choosing where we want to live is a prime example of that. Many of us become
less “mobile:” we are not so carefree about moving and our criteria for
making relocation decisions are now much more complex than they used to be. The
trade-offs multiply. For most of us it’s no longer about what we want and what’s
good for us. What is on our mind now is “is this the best possible environment
(education, experience, opportunities…) that I can offer my kids?”

I guess New York City is not
the best possible environment for my children, on many levels. Probably, they prefer to live in a place that is smaller, greener and less busy. I prefer that
they live in a place that is safe and where they have access to a good education.
Quality of life takes priority over excitement – for now. Even if that
means that every day I have to convince myself that this is what I also want.

I always get nostalgic
when I leave New York. Who knows. Maybe when the kids are older. While I breathe,
I hope.

Have you had to make
compromises – in terms of where you want to live – to accommodate the needs of
your family?