Since we are on the subject, I just read a journal article
on “Helping Children to Cope with Relocation:” http://www.freepatentsonline.com/article/Childhood-Education/16551206.html. Although it is addressed to educators, the first part contains a lot of interesting
findings on the impact of moving on children, while many of the tips in the
second part apply to parents as well. Definitely worth reading. I’m including some
excerpts that I think are food for thought and discussion.

One finding of relocation research that is generally overlooked is that all children are affected by a move, particularly the ones who are left behind when a friend moves away (Field, 1984). This conclusion makes sense when we consider that young children fear separation and abandonment above all else and that teenagers’ stated primary reason for attending school is to see their friends (Goodland, 1984; Wolman, 1978). Even adults who are sensitive to children’s needs sometimes overlook the fact that both the best friend who leaves and the best friend who remains behind have to start all over again. In fact, research suggests that, among preschoolers, the children who are left behind may be more agitated for a longer period of time (Field, 1984).

Children experience moving as loss of their natural habitat (Gabarino, 1987). Even if the relocation does not involve great distance, it can mean losing a network of people who know, respect and trust the child. Vance Packard (1983) once said that we have to re-establish our credentials every time we move. The familiar ways of interacting with close friends seldom work well with new acquaintances. Strangers may view directness as arrogance, silliness as weirdness, teasing as a threat. Re-establishing credentials is a time-consuming and often frustrating process. Therefore, experts estimate that a child needs at least a year to make an overall adjustment to relocation (Current Health, 1985).
Finally, on the 5 stages of children’s reaction to
relocation:

Educators must understand that a child’s reaction to the stress of relocation is frequently delayed. Children tend to progress through five stages: 1) contact–feeling excited about exploring the new setting; 2) disintegration–contrasting the old and new environments and feeling disoriented, isolated or depressed; 3) reintegration–rejecting the new environment and feeling anxious, angry, suspicious or hostile; 4) autonomy–regaining balance and feeling less like an outsider as confidence returns; and 5) independence–accepting and appreciating differences between the environments as the adjustment is made (Adler, 1975; Walling, 1990).

For something lighter, here are two lists of “to-dos”
– one addressed to kids and one to adults. Very hands-on and mostly known, but
still good to have it all in one place.

What Kids Who Are Moving Should Do:
http://kidshealth.org/kid/feeling/home_family/moving.html

Preparing Your Child For a Move:
http://kidshealth.org/parent/positive/talk/move.html

Looking forward to discussing more!

Now that we had made the decision to move, we wanted
to share it with our family and friends –but first, we wanted to tell the children.
This is a big change in their stable little lives and we believe that they need
to be part of it from the very beginning. They are going to need time to
process the news and how they feel about the move and what it means for them. Also,
on a practical matter, we needed to move fast with respect to
finding schools for them in Zurich and for that, they need to be “in the loop.”
 I was nervous about how they would react. I worried
about our eldest, who just went through a relatively challenging adjustment this
fall, when he started Gymnasium (the equivalent of Middle School). Although
Gymnasium is a big change for most kids – compared to primary school – it was
even more challenging for him, since he is significantly younger than the others.
It took him some time to feel comfortable in his new “situation.” Now we are
asking him to do it all over again. Also, only a couple of days before, he had he
said goodbye to his best friend, who was moving away from Vienna with his
family – another reason why our timing was not great. I wish we could have
waited with the news, but we did not have that luxury.

Our daughter is younger and more easygoing in
general. She’s extremely popular in her class and has no trouble making
friends. However, even for her it will be hard to leave all her friends and start
over. I’m not even mentioning our youngest son, as he is the only one who will
be cool about this move and won’t even remember his first year-and-half in Vienna.

Our girl had a different reaction – she was almost
excited about the move: “Can we find a house with a garden?,” “Can we find a
place to live next to our friends? (my best childhood friend lives in Zurich
with his family),” “Can we…?” Although I know this initial reaction may change
soon, I have a feeling that with her extrovertness, energy and natural charm, she
will be fine. She is the politician in our
family.

Still, this is a big thing for both of them. Vienna
is the only place they have called home. As sad and guilty as I feel for
uprooting them, taking them away from their familiar environment and friends, in
a way I am also grateful that they can embark on this adventure; that they get
a taste of living in a different environment and another culture; that they
don’t become “culturally lazy.” It will be an eye-opener for them to learn to
cope with different people, attitudes and mentalities.

It was an absolute priority for us to involve the
children (at least the older ones) in all phases of the move. They are old
enough to understand why we are doing this and to be part of the decision-making, in
the matters that concern them. The more involved they are in the process of the
move, the more likely they are to “own” it and the higher the chances that adjustment
will be smoother. That said, there is a delicate balance to be struck between keeping
them informed and involved in major choices and making sure it is clear to them
that, ultimately, we as parents are the ones making the final decisions. There
is a lot of potential for tension and conflict if those terms are not well-defined.

What is most important right now is to make sure that
this move “works” for our children. Are there things I can do now to make sure
that happens? And how important is it to involve children in the process of an
international move? I look forward to your comments.

Have a productive week!